When and Why do Children Unlearn Touching?
Sometimes language is not precise enough to make the specific meaning totally clear. Let us use “love” for our illustration. Love may be felt for your spouse, your baby, your work, your morning tea, your favorite shotgun, your heavenly father, or your country.
Clearly loving God is quite a different concept from loving your job. Love for your family is a totally different concept from loving a particular brand of beer. We love all kinds of things and people, but the emotion is not the same. Love by itself has little meaning.
Now let’s examine “touch”. Your laptop computer might have a touchpad. There is no emotion in this type of mechanical touch. You can physically touch another person. That could be a friendly slap on the back, an aggressive push, or a loving stroke.
A massage therapist can touch you in a clinical way. Then there are those therapists whose touch makes you feel like you are in heaven. A story or a movie can touch us intensely.
One word with more than one meaning. Touch might be mechanical, sensual, loving, aggressive – without knowing the circumstances, touch has no clear meaning of its own. Our intentions give “touch” its meaning. When we touch objects, our intentions are clear. But when we touch people, it is often not so easy and clear.
When you touch your pets, they don’t think about it, they just enjoy it. They couldn’t care less if you are a man or a woman. They just enjoy it without any second thoughts. This also holds true for infants. They love being touched and cuddled. They also naturally touch each other without any reservation.
Some time ago a research study was published how touch affects new born babies. The babies were divided into two groups. One was touched regularly and the other not at all. The study had to be cut short since the vital symptoms of the babies who were not being touched began to go down dangerously.
We all know that young children and infants love to be touched and held and stroked. But there comes a time when this changes and for some reason it is not appropriate anymore. Why and when do the rules change for touching? Clearly the children learn it from the adults, it is part of their ‘education’.
In the realm of adults we have to contend with issues like religious beliefs, cultural taboos, insecurity and fear, and mental projections. If a man hugs another man, it could be a friendly back-slapping affair. But many men link physical contact with other men to homosexuality and therefore avoid touching or hugging.
If a man hugs a woman, it could be an enjoyable connection or it could be seen as an unwanted come-on. Unlike children, when adults hug, the world of the mind comes into play. Different cultures have their respective touching rules. Arab men kiss each other on the cheeks, whereas for American men this is not acceptable at all. In one country hugging is normal, in another it is totally inappropriate.
So what is the conclusion of all those ‘touch complications’? Most people love to be touched but are prevented from experiencing it due to cultural taboos, mind games, ill-intentioned people, shyness, or in some countries by the law. This is where massage therapy is the one recourse where touching becomes acceptable and enjoyable and where none of the above mentioned limitations apply.
Tags: therapists whose touch makes you feel like you are in heaven, When and Why do Children Unlearn Touching
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